Are the actresses in a spook alley supposed to be MORE frightened than the paying public?

Sam was visiting a large spook alley at Halloween. He had been startled a few times but over all it hadn’t been bad. Then he came to a part that was pit black. The darkness was at least disconcerting. He reached for the smooth concrete wall to guide him along. The wall change from smooth and cold, to rigid and warmer. Then finally to soft and squishy for just a moment when a strobe of light flashed long enough for him to see that he was no longer holding the wall, but a female actress from the ally. So even though his team was now out of the MLB Playoffs, HE still got to second base.

Yesterday

Slpish Splash was a made up bash.

Splish Splash...

Beth was dating a guy on her college football team. They had just suffered a heartbreaking loss to a team rival. Beth and her man had gone to dinner after the team had been released for the night. Then they were going to watch a movie in his apartment style dorm room. When they got there, Beth went to use the restroom. After doing her “thing” she decided to steal a minute to look around… She opened the drawers and cabinets. Then she pulled back the shower curtain and found the most horrifying thing… his roommate was asleep in what had probably been a very comforting bath before she screamed and woke him up.

Sorry for the absense.

The Chili's story is straight shootin.

Chili's "got" To Go

Peter and his son loved to eat at Chili’s. There was one in the town next to them that they patronized often. Now all Chili’s restaurants, in New England at least, have the same floor plan. But one afternoon they were on their way home from a road trip and stopped at a different store than their usual. They headed to the bathroom and Peter’s son mentioned that this Chili’s did not offer urinals. Then they heard a mighty scream as a lady came out of one of the stalls. The restaurant was identical to the one they were used to. Well all except for which side of the hall the men’s room was on.

Yesterday

I lied like a politicain.

How to Catch a Politician

Paula was running for Superintendent of Schools when a constituent asked her in a town debate; “As Superintendent would you fire Mr. Sweeney for his addiction to pain killers”? Paula responded that Mr. Sweeney, though a very nice man and a fabulous teacher, would no longer have a position with the school district because he could not be trusted to be straight while students were in his care, placing them all in danger in case of emergency. It was a very good answer… except there was not now, nor had there ever been a Mr. Sweeney working for the district.

yesterday

OK in my defense have you ever looked at a sweetened condensed milk and evaporated milk can? Almost identical.

Is Lying OK If You Are Being Nice?

Shannon was newly married and trying out some new recipes from her Mother in Law’s regular meal rotation. The day she had decided to make Chicken Broccoli Casserole, she received a phone call asking her to bring dinner to a family whose baby was in the hospital. She doubled the recipe of noodles, cream of chicken soup, mayonnaise, cheese, chicken, broccoli, sweetened condensed milk, curry powder, and lemon juice. Oops did I say sweetened condensed milk? No it should be evaporated milk. But Shannon did not know that there was a difference. She had taken the dinner to the other family and served it to her own before her husband took a bite and nearly gagged from the sweetness. Shannon’s family ate Taco Bell that night and called the other family to offer them Taco Bell too. They had already eaten and said it was fabulous. Then they went further to ask for the recipe.

Yesterday

Yes Ashley has friends who owe loving appologies. :)

WHAT

11 year old Bree was having a rough night sleeping. She would toss and turn. First she was too cold, then too hot. In short she was miserable. She finally sought the comfort of Mommy and Daddy and climbed in their bed. At last there was peace. Well until the nightmare started. In the dream she heard her Mother calling to her from far away. She sounded desperate but she could not hear Bree’s reply. Her Mother’s pleas became so urgent that she finally screamed “WHAT!!!!”, right in her sleeping Mother’s ear.

*Today's post is submitted by Ashley

Yesterday

So I have recived them comment that I should tell you the poll results... I'll humor today. 100% of the votes were for true. But it was 100% made up.

Lost in Love

Marc had his eye on Liz, the receptionist at work, and had mentioned it to his friend on a few occasions. One day his friend said, “Don’t kill me but I told Liz you wanted to go out with her. And she said she takes an extra peek when ever you pass by.” Marc was thrilled and agreed to let his friend set up the date. Friday evening at 7 he drove to the house where he had once dropped Liz off after work. She opened the door wearing sweats and her hair in a ponytail. “Marc, come on in”, she said. He came in and they both just stood there for a minute. He finally asked, “So are you ready to go?”
“Um where are we going?”
“Just dinner and a movie.”
“Marc my boyfriend is downstairs, I am sorry.” Marc left in a rush and drove right to his friend’s house. His friend opened the door he said, “Marc, Liz just called and she thinks you stood her up.” As it turns out, his friend had thought all along that he’d been talking about Liz, the girl that had the cubical next to him at work, not the receptionist. Marc went out on the date, an hour and a half late. And she must have forgiven him for crushing on that other Liz because they have now been married 12 years.

Yesterday

My sweet BLONDE little girl. Oh how I love her.

Love Hurts!

Lisa was having lunch with her young daughters, (9 and 11), and spending quality time. They started blowing kisses and catching them on their face. Or teasing and saying oooh that one barely missed me, try again. Lisa caught one on her knee and then the next one was right on target. She yelled, “Arrrrgh right in my eye! OWWWWWW”! The eleven year old jumped up and ran to her Mother, “I’m sooooo sorry! Are you OK?” Lisa and the 9 year old nearly fell out of their chairs laughing.

Yesterday

These days money laundering is when I find money at the bottom of the washer after a load of jeans. And yes I was 18 before I knew another name for laundry mat was coin wash.

Money Laundering

Anna lived at home while going to college. One night she was out with friends, and they were talking about the best coin wash in town. Anna started to feel like maybe her friends were out her class. She had never thought of herself as poor or lazy about her cleanliness… but in all her life she had never taken her coins to be washed.

Yesterday

Although it is a fictional story, it is a recurring nightmare of mine.

Bad Bad Bunny

It was early Easter morning and Megan’s kids were up and ready to find the tricks of the Easter bunny. But Megan had stayed up late with friends and when she got home from taking her babysitter home she had gone straight to bed. As the kids excitement hit her ears panic began to course through her. How in the world had she forgotten to hide the eggs they had painted Friday, and the baskets she had made up on Wednesday? But Megan was gifted when it came to “BSing” her way out of trouble. “Hey kids” she said. “You go get dressed while I run down and grab the camera”. She retrieved the baskets out of her closet and ran down stairs with them. She quickly hid them both and grabbed the eggs out of the fridge. She placed a few around the kitchen and a couple on the stairs as she heard the kids coming. She advised them to start looking in the kitchen first while she hid some in the living room. Then as they hunted the living room she hid more in the hall ECT.

Yesterday

This true story keeps me "rolling" on the floor.

Airing Dirty Laundry

Misty and Doug were newly married and just trying to get buy financially. One of the ways they were making ends meet is by not using fabric softener. Then one evening on an extended family outing of bowling, Doug took a few steps forward and lunged to throw his ball, when his brother in law said, “hey what’s that hanging out of your pants?” He went up to him, pulled a long black sock the rest of the way out and said, “You know at this point, the old SOCK ROLL trick isn’t going to fool Misty”.

Yesterday

Yes Stacey was both blind and DUMB.

A Walk in the Shrouds

Stacey stepped off the bus after a rotten Tuesday at high school. She and her friends crossed the street in front of the bus and onto the sidewalk. A man walked out of his driveway and shoulder bumped Stacey knocking her off balance and off the sidewalk onto the street. Stacey yelled at him with all of the passion of anger that had built up through her day, (can you say PMS?), “Geez ya %^&%$ what are you BLIND”? The man turned to her with great apology on his face, dark glasses on his face and walking stick in hand.

Last post

I'm sure it has happened, but not to anyone I know.

Get a Whiff of this!

Brad was on his second date with Megan. They had both been married before, and had decided to make this date a “family too” date. They had been on a long drive from the water park and needed fuel. Brad was so busy talking with Megan that he had passed a few stations, when finally from the back seat his 7 year old demanded, “Dad will you PLEASE stop passing gas”!

Last Post

I was soooo emabrassed by this true story that I had to hide away for a few days. Ok I lied. It was a true story, and I am proud to say I was the one showering.

Good Clean Fun

Lori and Tom’s good friend came by to drop some things off for Lori. Their 11 year old son told her that his Mom was “busy” when she asked to see her. She left and called from her cell to leave a pointed voice mail… “Lori, I have to say I am rather hurt that your children still think they have to use the code word “busy” when you are not home. It makes me feel like I am a stranger to them. You had better let them know we are friends and can be trusted before we decide not to be friends”. Lori was shocked when she heard the message and immediately called to explain. Ironically she had not made it home yet and her daughter gave Lori the code words, “I’m sorry she’s busy can I have her call you back”? Lori then called her cell phone and told her friend’s cell. She was still a bit perturbed when she answered so Lori didn’t let on to the irony of her last call but did go offense a bit and gave some TMI, “Would your kids tell me if you were in the shower with your husband? We were indeed ‘busy’.”

Yesterday... oppps day before

I'm sorry to say I got you all revved up for nothing.

Learning Your Roots

Dane went out and started his motorcycle for the first time of the year. The air was crisp but he was so exited after a long winter of driving around in his minivan. “Time to put the mojo on”, he thought as he revved the bike. His 8 year old daughter came out with his helmet in hand. She put her hands on her hips and said in her bossy mother like tone, “Dad, bad things happen when you don’t wear protection.” Before he could stop himself he said, “Hey that’s how we got you.”

Yesterday

Taylor you thought you were trouble before you ran away!

Running with Reindeer

3 ½ year old little Taylor was in trouble and sent to his room. He decided he had had just about enough of being punished. So he packed his bag and decided to go live with Santa Claus. He was you see the only person that was ALWAYS nice to him. About an hour later, his sister who had been babysitting and the one who had given him the punishment, went to peek in on him. She had figured that since he had stopped crying that he had fallen asleep. Seeing that he was not in bed, she freaked out started searching the house and yard. Once she was sure he was no longer home she called the police. They found him about 10 minutes later. Apparently a 3 year old walking along a busy street is easy to spot. And you know this little 3 year old knew right where Santa lived. He had made it 2 city blocks NORTH.

Yesterday

It was a colorful situation.

Painting Pains

Anna was just about ready to own her first house. It was beautiful. She and her husband were having it built and had opted into a program called sweat equity. Meaning they were going to paint the inside of the house and the money that would have been paid to a painting contractor was going toward their down payment. They had picked out a subtle rose tone of white paint to do the upper 2/3 of the walls in the formal living room, and over the vaulted ceiling to the kitchen. But when they started painting they found that the type of light in the room made the paint look salmon pink. They were so horrified that Anna’s husband asked her to go to the store and buy white paint. She got to the store and looked through the cards she found the whitest color possible and had 10 gallons mixed up of “White Dawn”. Her husband questioned her
“Why didn’t you just buy white paint?”
“I did. It was the whitest card n the rack”.
‘Why did't you just pull the cans off the shelf?”
“You can do that?”
In the end White Dawn was actually lavender. It was like a Skittle factory had exploded inside Anna's lovely home.

Yesterday

Penny must have paid the fashion police.

The Power of a Penny

Penny was head cheerleader at her school. She and her 2 best friends made up half the squad and the other 3 girls did not get along with them. This created a divide in the whole school. You either sided with the blondes or the brunettes. One early morning, after a long night of studying, Penny got dressed in the dark so her sister could sleep in. She had made it all the way to 4th period before anyone even bothered to tell her that her clothes were on inside out. The next thing in her schedule was lunch and on her way to the restroom to change, she started noticing there were now loads of girls that had their shirts on inside out. Her 2 best friends were among them. The next day nearly half of the school came with their shirts on inside out. The new trend lasted the last 3 weeks before school let out.

Yesterday

It ails or ales me to tell you, I lied.

Teen to English Dictionary...PLEASE

Amber and her friends had a fun way of talking to each other. They would rearrange the order of their sentences and use odd words for simple ones. For example “I have to pee.” Changes to “Relieve me must I. Hence I restroom go”. Her Mother was quiet used to this type of language and tried to translate the best she could when she spoke it at home too. One weekend she was staying with her Dad but had gone out with these friends. When her Dad picked her up from the activity he said, “You don’t look like you feel very well Amber”. She replied. “Oh knowest I true. The restaurant hath filled all my allies bellies with ail”. Dad of course hearing her talking funny mistook ail for ale and had ONE MASSIVE DADDY FIT about teenage drinking!

Yesterday

Check it out. They did.

Alternative Father and Son Bonding Time.

Andrew was exited to start his new year on the high school football team. But he still needed to obtain a few things; gloves, cleats, and extra pads. As his family was preparing for a short road trip he asked, “Hey Dad, can we check out Dick’s on the way”.
Ooops Dick’s Sporting Goods.

Yesterday

It was me! I am the comb trendsetter.

Popularity Pros and Combs

Connie seemed to know everyone. She couldn’t go anywhere without running into someone she knew. Her family would tease her saying, “Why don’t you stay in the car. We are in a hurry and can’t risk you finding a friend.” It was so much that even on every vacation, hundreds of miles from home they would run into Connie’s friends. One afternoon, Connie was in the produce section of the grocery store, and saw a woman in the bakery looking intently at her. She was seemingly determining from where she knew her. Connie couldn’t quite place the connection either. So she steered her cart down toward the bakery to figure it out. The closer she came the harder the woman stared. But when she was nearly there the woman took off rather quickly. Connie left the store unsatisfied. She wanted to figure out who the woman was. When she got home she stopped by the mirror and noticed that there were 2 rather large combs sticking out of her hair. She had picked up the house before leaving and had stuck the combs in her hair to free her hands for other items. The woman had not been trying to figure out a past acquaintance, she had been trying to determine if it was really combs in Connie’s hair and if by some freak chance this was a new and lasting style.

Yesterday

Rated "L" for Liar.

Why We Have Movie Ratings

Jazzmin was 8 years old when her parents were watching “Buried Alive”. Jazzmin came in and watched the movie with them. She was horrified. 5-6 months later she was getting ready for bed when she heard her Uncle Clint say to her parents that his professors were trying to bury him alive. She quietly snuck up the stairs… crawled across her parent’s bedroom floor… and reach up to the phone on the nightstand and dialed 911. “911 is this an emergency?” “Yes someone is trying to kill my Uncle.” “OK Sweetie, who is trying to kill your Uncle?” “His college.”

Yesterday

Thank Heaven for Lysol!

Pregnancy Peril

Brandy was 11 weeks into her pregnancy with her fourth child. That meant she finally had to break down and buy the “dreaded minivan”. She and her husband found a reasonably priced one being sold “by owner” so they went to check it out. While they were at this families house the mother there told Brandy that she looked pale, and having heard she was in her first trimester had offered her soda crackers. Brandy ate them gratefully and then asked to use the restroom. While in there she had an EXPLOSIVE moment and the smell made her gag and vomit. She did her best to clean up but with no cleaners in the room she had to confess what had happened.

Yesterday

Yes "Painfully" True.

No Pets Allowed

Diana was serving an LDS mission in Montreal Canada. She and her companion were teaching a single man the “Law of Chastity”. He had many questions and as they were talking about inappropriate relations prior to marriage, Diana was trying to tell him that petting was not permitted, but she could not recall the French word for petting. Now in French speaking Canada most people know a lot of English and so it is usually ok to substitute a French word with the English version. The man they were teaching was very confused and asked why he was not allowed to pet before marriage. Diana and her companion explained that this is what the Lord has asked us to do. The man said, “But I have urges and physical needs”. “Well these urges must be suppressed. We are in command of our bodies they are not in command of us.” was their reply. The Man grew anxious and asked the missionaries to leave and would not let them contact him again. As Diana and her companion were evaluating what went wrong with this lesson it dawned on them that the English word they used in place of the French word was pet. Pet in French means fart. This poor man thought he would not be allowed to fart until he got married

Yesterday

I am "relieved" to tell you it was made up.

Ahhh The Sounds of Diet Coke in the Evening

Karen was PTA President at her local school. Just before the meeting started she hurried and downed the better part her 36 oz Diet Coke that she had been using to cool her from the oppressive heat and anxiety of the day. As she went on stage to welcome the parents and teachers to the meeting, and conduct the evening’s business, she said, “Ladies and Gen AAAAAARRRRUUUP............ please welcome Megan our Vice President to conduct the meeting”.

Yesterday

Rats! I lied again.

Grandma ratted out.

Tara took her 4 year old daughter Anna to a pet store to pick out a pet rat that she had been asking for, for weeks. Life was happy with the rat until one Sunday when Grandma and Grandpa came to visit. Anna put the rat on Grandpa’s head. So Grandpa put the rat back in its cage. Anna got the rat back out and put it Grandpa’s head…. Round and round they went until Grandpa finally asked, “Why do you think the rat wants to sit on me”? Anna simply replied, “Grandma told Mommy that the rat you wear on your head was as good as dead. So Mommy and I got you a new one”.

Yesterday

The coach was indeed left hanging.

Insert dial tone here…..

Mike called his favorite radio station and the radio host answered, “You are on the air with ______, what do you say”? Mike said, “I love the song The Sun Aint Gonna Shine No More”. The Radio host replied, “That IS a great song. But do you have anything to say to _____ on The Coach’s Show”? Insert dial tone here…..

Yesterday

We don't lift our skirts up in church, and niether does Travis.

Dragon Eye Disaster

11 year old Travis was in a group of about 45 kids in church. They were singing songs. The leader had placed all the kids’ names on tounge depressors and would draw one out at a time in order to allow the children a chance for picking their favorite song. Travis had brought with him a “precious” marble called a dragon eye. He was triing to let his friends sneak a peek at it, when he accidently dropped it. The marble rolled a few seats over. So he sank down out of his chair and retrived it from the floor. Just then the leader pulled his name out of the jar and called “TRAVIS”. He popped right up off the floor where he was, taking his teacher’s skirt along with him.

Yesterday

I helped build that shed. Grrrn!

I'll Huff and I'll Puff and I'll Let My Kid Drive.

David’s family had been so kind to give up several Saturdays to help him complete building a nice shed. The shed was finally done and looked fabulous. A few days later he decided to have his 9 year old son pull the truck into the driveway. The innocent 9 year old took off like his Nintendo life depended on it, and crushed the shed. Nice going David!

Yesterday

It was a fabulous fabrication.

Midnight Miracle

Marc and his best friend, Levi would often sneak out the house when Marc slept over at Levi’s house to hit the dark holes of the nearby golf course. One of night Marc cracked a drive that landed on the putting green less than a foot from the hole. They both hit the ground laughing because who could they tell? Marc’s Dad was an ex-marine and would have his butt if he knew is his son had participated in “ANY” illegal activities. On the next hole Levi connected with his ball and as he tells it, “Angels of warning must have carried that ball because it landed right in the hole”. Now it was cemented. They could tell not a sole. Levi’s dad was the Bishop of the local religious congregation, and any story concerning him or any member of his family somehow spread like mayonnaise. This of course was the last midnight golf game they ever played.

yesterday

So sad so true.

Would you like rice and beans Ma'am?

Lannie went to a Mexican restaurant and ordered 2 beef enchiladas. The waitress asked “Would you like that ala cart”? Lannie said again “2 beef enchiladas”. The waitress patiently replied, “OK, ala cart”. Now Lannie was angry. “Listen to me! I just want 2 beef enchiladas”.

Yesterday

Story was straight.

Put it Down Gently

Bonnie worked for an airline. On the last call of her late night shift, the caller asked, “Do you fly directly into the Oakland airport”. Bonnie replied, “Well we do generally aim for the runway”.

Yesterday

Adam is safe cuz it never happened.

New Moon Too soon

Adam was having a few of his friends from his high school basketball team over for a movie and video game night. His Mom and Dad would be gone for the earlier part of the evening at a movie. 5 of the guys were already there but they were waiting on 2 more that had agreed to come over. As they heard them pull into the driveway Adam suggested, “Hey, let’s moon them as they walk past the window”. All 6 stood at the window and dropped their jeans and boxers, as Adam pulled the cord for the blinds. This was followed by a shrill shriek and a full name yelled as Adam’s Mom walked in the door to retrieve the forgotten print out of their movie tickets.

Yesterday

Dogone Dice is a down right lie!

Dogone Dice

Paul went to the dog groomers to pick up Dice, their 2 year old Chihuahua. Dice was less than happy with Paul all the way home. And throughout the day he wanted little to do with Paul or the family. Worse yet, he was marking. Paul was beside himself and finally locked Dice up for the night. Of course he whined excessively. So they moved his create to the bathroom and closed the door. The next day Paul called him and while scratching Dice’s belly noticed that while at the groomer’s they had also neutered him. He immediately called the groomer to get Dice back and return someone else’s dog.

Yesterday

Yes not only did it happen, it was ME!

1 Forgotten, 4 “Cemented”

Guinevere took a school sponsored driver’s education course in high school. Out on the driving range, (a converted parking lot), was an approximately 8 x 10 feet concrete curb filled with weeds. Every year, without fail, some dopey kid would pop a wheel up over the curb and in to “THE PIT”. Class would halt so they could pull the car back out and all would be forgotten. Guinevere apparently did not get the memo about 1 wheel, because one rainy afternoon she slipped off the break onto the gas pedal and broke a school record. All four wheels in “THE PIT”. Grover High Driver’s Ed teachers still tell this story.

Yesterday

Too dumb to be made up.

Morton's Magnificent Coco

Maggie looked out the window one snowy afternoon. She thought “Hot chocolate would be a nice treat for my kids after a cold walk home from the bus”. She started boiling the water and looked at the clock. She was out of time. So she added some salt to the water to speed it to boiling. The kids were happy as they received their warm cup on entering the house. But after the first sip, their faces turned down. “Um Mom thanks for the treat but I think the hot chocolate went bad. It tastes funny”.
“Funny? Really”?
“Yeah, like salty”.

Yesterday

Ohhh yea I confess I made it up.

"In Your Face Baby"!

Dallin was proud to be a new father and was good at it, most of the time. But after a long night of studying for his Anatomy final, and dealing with a crying 6 month old, who was too hungry to sleep, and too sleepy to eat, he had finally had enough. He held the baby’s bottle up to his face and in the voice of his toughest football coach demanded at him, “SUCK IT UP”!

Yesterday

Yep It really happened.

Dear Instant Mesasage, May I try again?

Braxton sent an instant message to one of his employees asking her to watch a 5 minute training video before her next shift. The employee IMed back simply, “EXCUSE ME”? He re-read his message and found that he’d left the “f” out of SHIFT.

Yesterday

I admit it. Its a total lie.

Tee shirt pick up line

Derek, who still lived at home with Mom and Dad, grabbed a blue tee shirt out of the dryer to wear under his AE button down and headed out to his favorite club already to pick up chicks. After a few minutes of dancing he found himself well overheated. So he removed the button down. His night was a total chick hunting failure. On the way home his friend said, “Dude! Your shirt says “My Husband conquered The Big Texan 72 ouncer””.

Yesterday

TRUE

Clueless 101

Brad reached into the dishwasher and found a plastic funnel looking device. He held it up and then asked the family what it was. Before they could answer he put it up to his mouth and did his best Darth Vader impression, “Luke I am your father”… His sister, a new mother replied, “Um that’s my breast pump”.

Yesterday

TRUE

How to get out of a speeding ticket...

Sarah was driving home from work, driving well over the speed limit. A Utah Highway Patrol car signaled her to pull over. As the officer approached, Sarah thought maybe she would soften him up with a little flirtation. She rolled down her window and sweetly asked the officer if he was wanting to invite her to the Policeman's Ball. He immediately replied, "Ma'am, I'm Utah Highway Patrol, we don't have balls". He then realized what he said, turned bright red, and left at high speed.